Grasp the Nettle

There are various theories as to what sort of state humans should try and get themselves in. This probably asks the wrong question (we should expect that people will wind up in a good mental state by solving problems, and focus on doing that, not the end result), but one approach seems worth talking about.
The Buddhist conception of Nirvana, which is considered the highest state in Buddhism, involves a lack of suffering, desire, or sense of self. This seems pretty bad on its face: while no suffering is awesome, having a sense of self and desires are good. Buddhism, I think, aims to eliminate the former by eliminating the latter.
Desires don’t cause suffering. Specific theories attached to desires to. For instance, right now I very much desire a new computer. Am I sad I don’t have one? No (well, not most of the time!). That’d be silly. There’s a whole universe of things worth desiring out there, and I’m rational enough to realize that it’s a lot more fruitful to figure out what the most interesting and important ones are and happily pursue those, than irrationally sulk about my not having them.
There are many times, however, where people fall short of this ideal of happy, rational pursuit of desired ends. Physical attraction is a common one. You want someone – they don’t reciprocate. It hurts. Why? It is because you think you should have them. At some level, you think that it’s wrong that you can’t have them; the state of not having them causes an expectation of yours not to be met. This causes pain.
Romance is a loaded example, so let’s try another. Say you make plans to go to the movies with someone. You go; they don’t show up and can’t be reached. You get mad. Should you? While some amount of anger in this situation seems pretty defensible, it’s not; what purpose does it serve? Sure, people should let you know when they’re not going to be able to make it, and you’ll take the possibility of that happening into account when making plans with this person the next time. But it’s not some injustice in the situation that’s causing you to be mad – it is your belief that getting mad is an appropriate reaction. Instead, you should be figuring out how to best spend your time that evening (see the movie anyway, go home and play video games, whatever).
So does this mean that the solution is not wanting other people physically, or not wanting to see movies, or not wanting anything? No, that’s silly. Buddhism proves too much. On the other hand, it does say you can feel better about things by changing your memes, which is notable. But its end goals are bad.
The better approach is always trying to maximize your happiness from whatever place you find yourself. Don’t cease desiring – but stop letting the gap between your expectations and what actually happens be a justification for self-inflicted pain. Instead, try reminding yourself of the pretty awesome premises that often are below the surface of the situations you are torturing yourself about. Knowing people worth wanting physically, for instance, is pretty cool (well, assuming you have good values about that kind of thing).